a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize