I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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