Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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