Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
