So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize