im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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