I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
