I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
we're so committed to being not committed
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
