Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
