Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
