i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
