we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
