I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
