I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
