Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
