I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
