There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
