That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
tell me about the eggs
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
