she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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