never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
