he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
