So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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