So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
operation have a gay friend backfired
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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