Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
