Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
