I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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