My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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