So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
