Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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