And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
