Sponge bath it is.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
