Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
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I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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