i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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