I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
