sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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