I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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