Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
