He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
