I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
