WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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