I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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