I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
is it fun? or sober?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
