you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
