I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
