i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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