Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
