I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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