Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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