porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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