i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
