you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
