Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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