I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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