If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
