we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
