Im at strip club and am horny
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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