If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
