If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
