Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
