im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
