I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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