i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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