Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
