You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
