when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
