spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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