Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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