Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
