Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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