escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
