I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude i'm inner monologue high
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
