when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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