i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
