How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
