you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
