sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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