I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
