He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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