Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
