Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
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The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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