He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
