TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
